Okay

Posted by Rittika Adhikari on February 20, 2021

“Okay.” 

When Emilia dumped him over text, she was expecting a lot more than an “Okay.” 

Sure, their relationship sucked and he was nothing short of a dick, but it was nine months long. It was their first relationship, their first kiss… 

Moonlight scattered the street where they huddled in the bus stop, his clammy hand reaching to link with hers as her face flushed. He turned to look at her and asked for permission with his eyes, lifting her chin and slowly kissing her with an intimacy Emilia had never known.

…It was strange how the guy who randomly blurted out “I love you” after only a few weeks of dating had just accepted the end of their relationship with a simple “Okay.”

Emilia had maybe been holding on to the hope that he would fight for her with that desperation, when he screamed, “You’re really ending it like this?” that last time. Were the tears even real? 

Maybe it was for the better that he didn’t. Just knowing that he’d fight for her would’ve made it all worth it.

But he didn’t love her like that anymore…

Emilia nestled her head in the crook of his neck, New Girl playing in the background. He gently kissed her forehead and joked that they were “like Nick and Jess,” maybe unexpected, but meant to be.

…He didn’t even care enough to argue with her. Before, they’d explosively fight, a little pestering from her bursting into a screaming match…

Emilia walked into his room with dark circles under her eyes. She had just come back from the library and had finally finished her assignment.

He looked up from his laptop as she entered. “Oh, thank god you’re here. I need help.”

Emilia groaned as she plopped onto his bed. “Why didn’t you start your assignment earlier?” 

“I was busy!” He rolled his eyes.

“Busy playing League, you mean.” It wasn’t Emilia’s fault that she was so snarky. Watching someone spend hours having fun when she spent all of her days and nights working was less than satisfying.

“God, why do you always have to go there? I needed to destress.” He paced around the room, scratching his head.

“Why do you need to ‘destress’ all day? I’m stressed too, y’know.” 

The air quotes definitely set him off. He scathingly retorted, “You’re no better than my father,” as he stormed out of his room.

Emilia silently worked on his assignment, tears streaming down her face.

He later came back, like he always did, with chocolate and a honeyed apology. And she always forgave him, because he seemed genuine, and weren’t couples supposed to fight anyways?

...The fire between them had dimmed over the summer when they first went long distance. He had assured her that nothing would change, but Emilia had never felt so cheated. They only ever exchanged a “Hey” and “What’s up”, and while Emilia was anxiously waiting for a buzz, it felt like he was just unbothered. When she told him she felt like their text conversations were dead ends, he sent her a Google link on “how to start a conversation.” 

And in the back of her mind, at that point, she knew he didn’t care about her. But she couldn’t forget how he told her they were meant to be. She just wanted it to work, so that she could get that “fairytale” ending she always dreamed of. 

Nonetheless, the “okay” was just a slap to the face. It’s almost as if he knew what she’d do. He knew Emilia’s friends would convince her to dump him over text, where he couldn’t manipulate her into staying. 

The “okay” was his trump card; it was his way of mentally fucking Emilia over, to the point where she would question whether any of it was real. Maybe he wasn’t “okay” with being dumped over text. Maybe this was his way of making sure she would never be “okay” with how everything ended. 

Or maybe he was “okay” with everything, and like Emilia, felt that strange weight lift from his chest. Maybe his nonchalance was his relief that their whirlwind, fiery relationship had finally breathed its last.

Emilia last saw him across the street, walking to the bus stop. They looked through each other as if they were strangers. Her friends tiptoe around talking about him and she pretends as if it’s okay. But their last iMessage conversation is burned into her phone, and he’s forever etched in her memories as the first boy she ever loved.